⋆。゚☁︎。⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆


I've traveled a bit within the country the past few days, and it was amazing.

It made me realize in what ways my current life is making me unhappy and what I need to do to change. I am definitely too isolated, not happy in my job, and too much in my head at home, ruminating. A lot of my fears, anxiety, obsessive and compulsive thinking disappear when I am elsewhere, and especially in the presence of others. I now know that so many of the things I worried about to the point of panicking are really meaningless and created by myself in my head as a mental health side effect. When I am surrounded by good people, going outside is no problem, eating different foods than usual is no problem, my social battery is no problem, and I have energy. I don't care much for online stuff either, and have no urge to return to anything.

Where I am living now carries a lot of negative memories for me - from how and why I got that apartment and issues with it, to what happened here and what my job here is. And it's hard to follow through with going outside to events and other places alone. I sometimes prefer that even, and it's nothing to be embarrassed about, but some things feel pointless when there's no one else, or just one other person, there with you to experience it. I need a big friend group, somewhat of a family, and then things work out better. Some things can feel isolating when you're the only one showing up alone, or it's just more time for me to spend in my head with my own thoughts.

I want to move so I can be closer to the people I care about and have more of a network around me. I've planned to quit my job in the near future anyway, ideally within 1-2 years, so there's nothing holding me here. I sadly won't be able to finish my degree in that time to become a data protection officer, so I can't search for that type of job. I don't know if I can find anything interesting with my current qualifications, and technically I would love to become somewhat of a Rust Developer, but I am unsure if I can manage to become proficient enough in it within 1-2 years to get a job in it, especially when working fulltime and my law degree on the side. It's hard to find out what to focus on now - the degree or proficiency in programming (doing TOP, learning Rust, maybe Java). I will definitely need 4-5 years for the data protection officer thing, and I will do that anyway on the side, even after the move or during other jobs. But pausing it to focus on programming now will push that back, with unclear results. I could try and power through the degree quicker, but I think it's unlikely that I can handle that time-wise together with work. And even then, there's no way I could shorten it to just 2 years.

I'm also overwhelmed at the logistics of searching for jobs and apartments in a new town far away and making the start of a new job align perfectly with being moved into the new apartment, while having cancelled and quit everything at the old home in time. People do it all the time, but it's a mystery to me how they handle it so well.

I guess I will keep my eyes peeled for jobs in my current profession, try my best in the degree and try to fit in as much of programming as I can.

𓇽 ° . ༻ 𓈒 ꒪ ๋ ° .𓏲⠀ ๋࣭ ♡ ͘ ࣭⠀⸰ ⋆ ֗ ִ ᨒ .⋆゚. ͘ ࣭⠀⸰ ♡ 𓂂 ◌ 𓇽 ° . ๋ 𓂂 ⠀✼ 𓇽