⋆。゚☁︎。⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆

my relationship views

I think it's important sometimes to ponder where we stand on some concepts like sexuality, attraction, monogamy, marriage, cohabitation, reproduction, expectations in a relationship, the relationship escalator, the line between friendship and romance, and similar things.

Personally, I think I am cool with a lot of things, while also not pursuing a traditional lifestyle.

I'm attracted to women, especially very feminine women. Not picky on whether she has a uterus or not.

Marriage is optional to me, and would be done not only out of love, but to secure each other in hard times like hospital access and death matters. I am all in favor of non-traditional marriages and marriage ceremonies. I definitely want to do the things my partner, our friends and me enjoy on our wedding day, even if it is playing Jackbox, DnD, Mario Kart or doing other silly things like dressing up in funny costumes or having a customized vegan buffet. I see no reason to adhere to strict norms about what happens, the dress code or what food should be offered, as long as we know our guests and us are happy with it.

I definitely do not want children, and I also don't want to live in the same household as my partner(s). I prefer my own space where I can retreat, be alone, control the surroundings (furniture, cleanliness etc.) and not have to argue about chores or what's for dinner. I like that this gives me more freedom in case things would turn out bad (abuse or breakup). I desire to live in the same building though, or at least near each other. Long distance relationships aren't for me, especially if the distance will be kept up for a year or longer.

I consider myself open to polyamory and monogamy both, but tend more towards polyamory - polyflexible, you could say. It also kind of depends on the partner, the relationship, and my energy and time. I don't really vibe with the bigger polyamory online groups, because it honestly isn't a big part of my life and I don't practice it right now. I am more of a laid back "what happens happens" person about it; I am not one to ceremoniously open a relationship to feverishly go on dates to find anyone. It is more for acquaintances you happen to make throughout your life without seeking them out that you'll fall for sometimes, and being able to discuss with your partner that you wanna pursue that and if that's okay. I don't want to force this to happen or go out of my way to find it; it will find me, and I do not desperately need it since I am content with myself, my hobbies and whoever I am dating.

This is something really important for me in a relationship: No hangups about exes, no pretending that we are each others' first, no insecurities about a body count, and no weirdness around developing a crush outside of the relationship or finding other people attractive.

I would describe myself as a rather picky person (high standards), and very conscious of my time and what I can realistically give, as well as if a person is really a good fit or not. I have been lucky so far that all people I decided to pursue romantically or sexually reciprocated those feelings; I have had some crushes I acknowledged but didn't want to pursue, because I recognized it wouldn't make sense at the time or it wouldn't work out for a variety of reasons. Personally, simply having feelings doesn't justify dating or a relationship to me, so I act accordingly. I recognize that just because I find someone attractive or got butterflies, it doesn't mean that we're compatible - even if it's just our schedules and goals in life that don't fit.

This happens more often than I'd like, because I really adore very driven, smart and organized women with big goals, which goes hand in hand with a busy schedule and lots of other contacts who also meet them (understandably so - being close to them is motivating, refreshing and interesting!) and usually involves moving around. So those sadly stay un-pursued more often.

I think I am also really flexible in what to label things, as well as the border between friendship and romance. I think flexibility around labels has a bad reputation because it is often used by people not wanting to commit and being all around flakey, so I hate calling it that - I am very committed and very consistent with my attention and energy, and expect the same back (not overly strictly, of course; sometimes, we are stressed and not our best, and I get that; but I don't accept people temporarily ghosting me every 2-3 weeks!). What I mean is, I find myself aligning a lot with the ideas of relationship anarchy and lettings this develop as they do, without the need to force anything or clearly define if we are friends or "more". I am always happy to be official partners if both of us want that, but I don't believe that I cannot cuddle, kiss or have sex with friends. I've had "friends with benefits". I don't think that there is anything we can do that suddenly pushes it into another category unless we agree on that. It can happen regularly, as a one-time thing, or in phases. The connections I've had with people were too diverse for me to think of one clear line I have between friendship and romance. In simpler terms that are used and understood society-wide: There were people with whom I was fine with either, people with whom I could only imagine a romantic relationship but not solely a platonic connection, obviously people I only wanna keep as friends; and within these, people I would have been fine with sex and people where I wouldn't have been. It's very individual and a spectrum for me, but not a two-sided spectrum, but more like a color picker.

I'm okay with relationships that don't involve sex. While I am allosexual (the opposite of asexual; it means I can experience sexual attraction, even outside of relationships, or to strangers I don't know), I have dated two people who had identified as asexual. I would do it again. I may not be a good fit with people who are very sex-repulsed, simply because sexual topics may come up in conversations or media I consume, but otherwise it's fine.

That's all I can think of for now in regards to these topics.. maybe if I think of more, I will write a second part. But I have a cold right now.

𓇽 ° . ༻ 𓈒 ꒪ ๋ ° .𓏲⠀ ๋࣭ ♡ ͘ ࣭⠀⸰ ⋆ ֗ ִ ᨒ .⋆゚. ͘ ࣭⠀⸰ ♡ 𓂂 ◌ 𓇽 ° . ๋ 𓂂 ⠀✼ 𓇽