⋆。゚☁︎。⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆

lifetime musings

It hits me sometimes that I will never get to know some people at their best. Maybe they won't show it to me specifically, just to others, or they're simply not at their best right now. Maybe they used to be before we met, and won't be again for as long as I know them. or they will be their best version in a decade, but not now. Despite all of that, it will color my image of them, and our relationship forever anyway.

People who were treating me badly can go on and become great people 10 years later, but I won't ever know them like that, because they likely won't be in my life at that point. Older members of my family could have been great people for 40 years before I was born, but as I got to know them as a child and teen, were in a bad 10 year phase of their life. 10 years are a blip when someone is already 50 or older, but for me, it's all I know of them.

My parents could now suddenly become the parents I always wanted them to be, but because they weren't from my ages 4 to now, it won't matter anymore, because we cannot build the same bond now than we should have when I was a kid.

What were formative years for me were completely normal, average, easily passing years they barely remember by now. It is something they can move on from - it's who they were back then, not who they are now. But to someone who got to know them like this for over half of their life and it involves my earliest memories, it is all they are. There is no before, and there is hardly an after.

𓇽 ° . ༻ 𓈒 ꒪ ๋ ° .𓏲⠀ ๋࣭ ♡ ͘ ࣭⠀⸰ ⋆ ֗ ִ ᨒ .⋆゚. ͘ ࣭⠀⸰ ♡ 𓂂 ◌ 𓇽 ° . ๋ 𓂂 ⠀✼ 𓇽