⋆。゚☁︎。⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆

hobby annoyances

I'm in a little bit of a hobby crisis!

I think it is great to have many hobbies and interests; after all, some might be seasonal, so we need other hobbies for other seasons, or we grow tired of one and find relief in the other. There are some that we can't do while sick, and some we can do. There are mindless ones we can do on the side when we don't have much energy or focus left or can't come up with an idea, and some that demand our whole attention and planning. It's great how versatile everything can be.

However, I am frustrated about wanting to do all my hobbies at the same time, and committing to one is making me sad I am not doing the other. They're all there to be picked up, and it's really hard to decide most days.

I know hobbies come and go, have more intense and less intense phases, but still.

I would love to do more embroidery, but I prefer to do it while other stuff is going on (watching something, for example) but I rarely find opportunities to embroider on the side now; lots of stuff I need to do right now demand my full attention. I might start doing it during my Cthulhu roleplaying group, though. The main issue I have is that I also don't know what to do with the result. Not all projects are things I wanna hang on my wall, and I don't really wanna sell it. This keeps me from creating sometimes.

I would also love to do more sewing, but sewing is admittedly something a bit hard for me and I am very afraid of doing something wrong, and it requires some mental visualizations, logical thinking and rotating in your mind that I have a hard time doing. I usually need help from my girlfriend for some planning and oversight, and she is currently very busy, so I don't wanna detract from that. Sewing is just so hard to undo, especially when you cut something wrong. Now all this time not spent sewing means all my projects are on hold and not something I can wear :(

I would love to paint more, on paper or digitally. It is so easy to fall out of practice, and I feel like I never consistently draw enough to make any significant progress on technique, my style, or whatever. It's always been like this! I know if I really hunkered down for a while, I could reach a different stage, but finding the inspiration and motivation can be hard. So as long as I only manage that every couple months, nothing is gonna change. Another hobby where I stagnate!

All of these are hobbies I would love to steadily "release" new stuff about on my website. I know no one truly cares or checks up on that much, but to me it feels weird to say I have a hobby and then not get to it for months. But that's normal! Everyone has this. I just need to get over myself :) especially because I manage to do so much! I work fulltime, study law parttime, I teach myself to code for a job switch, I have a partner and dog who want my time, I try to exercise every day for 30-45min, I have a household to manage on my own, I go out, I meet people, or I game, and I need some time to relax - and not all hobbies are suitable for relaxing. I feel like most of mine aren't!

There are even to-be-hobbies I wanna get into but cannot do reasonably, like making music in Ableton or baking my own bread, because I am just at capacity right now, and hobbies I fell out of for the same reason (playing the kalimba, 3D modeling in 3DS Max).

These are all the things making me wish there was a UBI. Getting to do all my hobbies, creating and releasing all types of stuff and learning new things to release even better stuff just takes so much of my time it could basically be its own fulltime job. I wish I could not only be paid for one type of output, but be paid so I can survive generally while I work on lots of different things. Not to mention that monetizing a hobby directly can suck the fun out of it. People who turn their hobby into work usually have to find different hobbies afterwards because it just becomes work. So many people create for free, create when they don't have to worry about money. I have a lot to contribute and a big drive to learn, but a lot of it gets squashed by having to do extremely boring work for 39h a week that could be automated (but that I cannot automate by myself..). I am looking to turn this around by learning more so I can get a more fitting and demanding job where I get to create, but until then, siiiigh.

Coding and studying for law are actually in such a weird position right now, because I should dedicate a ton of time to coding and getting some certs and a portfolio going so I can switch jobs earlier (I really need to get out of my current one for my own advancement and mental health), but I also don't want to ruin my good grades or not pass an exam. Anything I have to repeat makes the uni stuff take even longer to complete, and I am only doing it to be able to pivot to data protection laws after I get the degree. It's not directly relevant to the immediate job switch, but something I am building up on the side for later. But this is something I can actually fail too much and get kicked out of, meanwhile nothing like that exists for me in regards to coding. So right now, they're often competing in "I should be coding right now to get out of this job" vs. "I should be studying right now to not fail my semester and make my degree take even longer" and it seems equally as important. I don't really wanna take a break from uni either.

I want too much, and I stretch into all kinds of directions, which sucks. I am very envious of people who dedicate themselves fully to one hobby. I just can't seem to.

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